"The whole difficulty lies in the question of if and how it is possible to say 'No' to this suffocating Superego imperative of enjoyment. Here we could recall the joke about John, who decides
to pay a visit to a psychiatrist because he wets his bed every night. He explains to the doctor that every night, a dwarf appears in his dream, saying to him: 'And now, dear John, we are going to pee.' And John duly pees in his bed. The psychiatrist advises him to respond to the dwarf's invitation with a determined 'NO!' John goes home, but returns the next day. 'I followed your advice,' he says to the doctor. 'When the dwarf appeared, and encouraged me to pee, I firmly said NO! But then the dwarf replied: Very well then, in that case, we are going to shit.'"

--Alenka Zupancic, from The Shortest Shadow: Nietzsche's Philosophy of the Two

Gender

is a kind

of poison.



Fuck templates.

Fuck stencils.

Fuck me.



(The always misunderstood

grammars of personhood.)



Every thing's

a question.



What can

be known?



Who wants

to know?

Singers count

to find

their points

of entry.

What I'm reading now:



Begin Again: A Biography of John Cage by Kenneth Silverman. Thoroughly enjoying this. A nice feature is that key musical tracks discussed in the book can be listened to at the publisher's website: http://knopfdoubleday.com/beginagain.



The Passages of H.M. by Jay Parini. This is a lovely novel about the life of Herman Melville.



The Shortest Shadow: Nietzsche's Philosophy of the Two by Alenka Zupancic. "...Freud was startled to realize that the intruder was his own reflection displayed in the mirror hanging on the open door. Freud emphasizes that he thoroughly disliked the appearance of this man in front of him, and that, rather than being frightened by this 'double,' he failed to recognize it as such. And if he finally realized that he was looking at himself, it was not on account of the image he saw in front of him, on account of noticing the resemblance and recognizing it; he identified the elderly man as himself only because he realized that there was a mirror attached to the door."



Correspondence Course: An Epistolary History of Carolee Schneemann and Her Circle edited by Kristine Stiles.



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What I'm thinking about now:



Possible retirement in the coming year and significantly reduced economic circumstances. Much about my job is becoming untenable. Come June 1 I'll have been with the Department for thirty-four years. I'm close to having reached my physical and emotional limits.



Wondering what I still have in me to write. Wondering if the time left to me will be adequate to do that work. Wondering if I am adequate to the task.



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What I've been feeling lately:



Pretty depressed, for a variety of reasons. Bright spots: Crag Hill's and Rebecca Loudon's brilliant interactions with my question piece; and, of course, music, and books.



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What I've been listening to lately:



John Cage (particularly his 1958 25-Year Retrospective Concert at Town Hall, New York),



Mavis Staples (with Jeff Tweedy)



Norah Jones' new CD of duets. I particularly love her version of Baby It's Cold Outside with Willie Nelson



Sheryl Crow



Keith Jarrett



Buddy Guy



Rolling Stones



Wilco



B.B. King



Robert Randolph and the Family Band



Booker Ervin







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What I'm sipping now:



Rioja.



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Geof Huth has posted a terrific appreciation of Maggie Nelson's terrific book, Bluets.

I'm thinking about, making notes toward, sending out a mass e-mail/announcement about the new interview blog, trying to clarify the involvements I'm hoping for. Sigh. I'm looking for serendipitous engagements, looking to get lucky...

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I'm working, too, at gradually expanding my responses at ANDSWERVING.

*

I took this afternoon off because of:

( a) a spiritual deficit related to my job

(b) being a slacker

(c) a desire to create engaging art

(d) none or all of the above

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*

We saw Black Swan yesterday. Loved it. Still a little haunted by it, too. It's a great study in the othering that art is.

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